The (Wine) Customer is Wrong
Robert Joseph
Wine brand creator, Consultant, Industry Analyst
Democracy would be a wonderful system - if it weren’t for the unreliability of the voters.
The wine industry would be in a brilliant state if only the people who drink the stuff were not so annoying
- They pronounce Riesling as RICE-Ling and imagine it’s all sweet
- They don’t know whether Albariño is a grape or a region
- They stick to a stupidly small range of grape varieties
- and voluntarily drink Prosecco and Pinot Grigio
- and red wine with 18 grams/litre of residual sugar
- and wine that’s flavoured with fruit or bourbon barrels
- and ‘natural’ wine that smells and tastes of mouse
- but baulk at hard-to-pronounce grapes like Rkatsiteli.
- If they’re Chinese, they dilute fine wine with Sprite
- and wherever they are, they drink wine far too young
- or too old
- With the wrong kinds of food
- at the wrong temperature
- From the wrong kinds of glasses
- Which they hold in the wrong way.
- They’re happy to buy wine that’s ludicrously cheap
- From supermarkets and discount stores
- Or ludicrously expensive
- From merchants who are all about showing off and investment
- They’re naively impressed by heavy bottles and flashy labels
- And insufficiently interested in reading or learning about wine.
- And, now, most annoyingly of all, lots of them are deciding not to drink wine at all during January. And possibly October.
Could someone please urgently send us a new set of consumers that better fit our requirements?